Holiday!

Holiday…. Celebrate…. Well.. is it a celebration though?  Which one of these is you? 

When Madonna sang those words I think her idea of a holiday celebration did not align to my own… let’s be honest we get to the long awaited destination…. The first thing we do after flinging the suitcase on the bed is either tuck into the freebies left by the hotel or rental company if we have splashed out enough or hit the all inclusive bar if that is more your (or should I say my) budget….  Let’s go through the options…

Swanky Hotel option…..The first few days are the eating and drinking equivalent of the L’oreal adverts.. “because I’m worth it”.  However after about 60 to 72 hours of indulgence I find myself beginning to slow down a little.  I am just no longer interested in the three course breakfast and find myself ordering a salad for lunch and maybe the fish for supper.   All the rich food is getting to me a little and even the sickly cocktails have lost their appeal and I’m back on the gin and slimline tonic or the Rose.  The only fridge near by being either locked in the kitchen or the mini bar where the price tag of €17 on the M&M’s and Pringles is enough to actually make me resist so I stop snacking.  I also tend to start walking a bit more along the beach, up the mountain and maybe a little swimming, I have been known to hit the gym either early morning or when it is too hot in the sun and the air conditioned gym is a welcome oasis.  Then maybe dance in the evening after the aforementioned Gin, Rose and fish.  All this movement adds up and with the lack of available snacks not even three solid meals and far too many glasses of wine can actually bump my calorie intake out of deficit.  I have been known to go home the same weight as I arrived.  

Self Catering Villa/Appartment Option

Pretty much the same as above.  The first three days you have been to the supermarket and bought every snack known to mankind to have with your sundowners.  The sundowners have started at 4pm despite the fact that the sun doesn’t actually set till 9.37pm!  You might have spotted a nice route to go running/hiking early morning if jetlagged on your way to the supermarket or from the airport.  Unfortunately you have not gone running or hiking due to aforementioned sundowners lasting 4 hours and the hangover in the morning only allows you to find the coffee machine and finish up the stale baked goods bought in the market square the previous day.  So the snacks are eaten and the wine is running out.  The next visit to the supermarket avoids the salty snacks aisle and instead tends to draw you towards the salad aisle but calorie wise it doesn’t get much better as the celeriac remoulade or Russian salad are dripping in gorgeous mayonnaise, you have also discovered a beautiful butcher in town who sells pre prepared Carpaccio and incredible double cream infused quiche lorraine… so despite starting the sundowners at 5.30pm the charcuterie and cheese platter that you serve instead of the bacon bugles tend to actually have more calories over all… the only upside is that the protein does tend to fill you up more so you are less likely to stuff as much supper inside you!  This carries on for the full 7/10/14 days with maybe one excursion day breaking the cycle!  The full breakfast might not be indulged every day but not missed enough to really make any difference.  Lunchtime drinks  from a full bottle of something cold to a half are small concessions but let’s be honest this small decrease isn’t going to touch the scales.  You will inevitably arrive home at least half a stone heavier.  Two to three pounds will fall off after a few days but the other four or five will linger stubbornly until you indulge, and I lose the word loosely, in one of our stringent restriction plans!

The Adventure Holiday

Our bucket list is far more likely to have something out of the ordinary and daring on it than two weeks in Mallorca or a villa in Tuscany.  I am talking walking for miles on the Great Wall of China or swimming with turtles and sea lions in the Galapagos or snorkelling in the coral beauty of the Great Barrier Reef having trekked and camped in the outback.  What is also significant about the difference between these two experiences is the obvious fact that access to a fridge or supermarket will be severely restricted as the sheer inaccessibility of the experience tends to mean there are no such conveniences anywhere near.  Also the physical side of things means that exertion is required this inevitably leads to a significant calorie burn.  The two combined equal calorie deficit so the chances are you will return from your mind expanding break with a slightly less expanded waistline or bottom!  Hurrah…   There will be no gym or HITT class to assist you but there might be Yoga or meditation depending on the level of “out there” you have prescribed yourself… We think that this should be experienced and enjoyed… go with the flow… don’t worry about the damage… this type of experience will expand your mind more than your waistline and the motivation to be the best version of yourself from the experiences will probably lead to a slimmer waistline in the short term…enjoy!

The Renewal Holiday

So every now and then we get to the point where we can’t continue with the status quo any longer, the mere idea of carrying on for a further six months to a year with the endless cycle of excuses and bad behaviour resulting in the ever expanding side of the wardrobe crammed with the clothes that no longer fit or look good has reached its zenith.  We will change!  This then coincides with the annual two weeks in Turkey with family and friends…you resolve that this change of scene is the perfect time to reset.. you will be sleeping more, you will have loads of time for yourself to exercise so you will not sleepwalk into the snacking and carb loaded grabbing that accompanies your everyday at home…. your four hour plane ride will consist of a monster spreadsheet being formulated with exercise plans and meal plans calorie counted and reconciled with a daily projected weight loss input down the side… you will go home half a stone lighter.. you cannot fail now you have done the spreadsheet… day 1 you attack the early morning with vigour, you run on the beach, you swim in the sea or pool and you only have half a grapefruit for breakfast, two glasses of wine at dinner accompanied by some fish and salad give you the perfect buzz and you go to bed feeling happy and fulfilled… day 2 you add a boiled egg at breakfast and don’t quite manage a run as you have a blister from day 1 running but you walk and just dip in the pool at the end to get the sand off your feet.  You can’t quite resist the buffet at lunch as everyone else is tucking in and just one glass of wine won’t hurt…sadly this means the afternoon HIIT class goes by the by as you snooze by the pool… the pre dinner cocktail and canapé reception is free so you will eat and drink there and have no supper but of course once you are sitting with the menu in front of you and the expectant waiter with the pad and pencil at the ready you can’t help but order a small something and a large glass of wine… day 3 you sleep in and the pastries are winking at you from the bulging, breakfast buffet, you have a monster hangover as you actually drained a full bottle of Rose last night and then had two limoncello cocktails as they were on the house!  I could go on.. needless to say you come back half a stone heavier and even more at a loss as to how you are ever going to break this cycle….

So is it really a celebration, this holiday thing?  Not really for a committed ELFer but at the same time we all need a break!  Enjoy and get back out one foot in front of the other as soon as that plane touches down in Blighty!

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